YMCA

My wife and I recently joined the YMCA... the baby boomers substitute for sex.

The YMCA is great! You can work up a sweat, make yourself sleep better and you don't actually have to touch anyone.

Seriously though, sometimes I don't sleep any better at all. Sometimes I'm too tired to sleep. I used to laugh at my parents when they said that. How can you possibly be too tired to sleep? I thought being tired would be a great asset to sleep. Now that I'm older it all makes sense.

It makes sense that I'm older and have pain in places I didn't think could hurt. I'm reminded of the catchphrase No Pain No Gain. Well, I should be gaining my ass off. Hardbodied blondes should stop their workouts to watch me...

Collapse on the treadmill. Another pudgy middle-aged male trying to jog his way back into his twenties. The look of sympathy on their faces is genuine pain. I recover quickly once I realize that no one is going to rush to my aid, except that fat sweaty guy who can't seem to get off the stairmaster fast enough. Oh yeah, I'm feeling much better thank you very much.

Ahnold best watch out for me. I'll be sporting speedos in my 50's too at this rate. I may not be able to walk in them, but by God I'll be able to wear them.